New Dad Series

  • The Dreaded Plane Ride!

    Whether you enjoy flying or not, be prepared- well, extra, extra prepared- for what flying with a toddler entails. Our kiddo took his first flight at 10 months old. He flew again around 15 or 16 months old when we went to Hawaii. While those trips were challenging, they paled in comparison to flying with a three- or four-year-old toddler. Keep a toddler confined to a small space for many hours? Why don’t you just ask me to nail Jell-O to a wall?

    While flying with a toddler is never going to be easy, there are things you can do to make the experience a little more palatable. Here are some recommended strategies:

    1. Before the flight, have your toddlers walk and run around the airport to burn off energy. Of course, supervise them at all times. The last thing you want is for them to get hurt or end up at the wrong gate. Many airports have play areas.
    2. Have an activity bag filled with coloring books, stickers, small toys, and whatever else your kiddo may enjoy that is allowed on the airplane. We recently learned that Play-Doh is not allowed. At least, that’s what the security agent told us. Nowadays, you can download some videos on the phone ahead of time.
    3. Takeoff and landing are the most critical moments since these are the times everyone is required to remain seated. Do your best to keep your toddler calm by offering them drinks or snacks, having them look out the window, showing them videos, and giving them a pacifier to help with ear pressure.
    4. Don’t worry about too much screen time. Use screens without guilt; long flights are a perfectly reasonable time to let them watch movies and other videos they enjoy.
    5. Don’t follow a rigid activity schedule. Let your child focus on an activity until they get bored, then introduce something else. You can rotate about every 15-20 minutes, or as needed to fit your child’s interest schedule.
    6. Encourage your child to sleep, but don’t depend on it. There’s a good chance it won’t happen, especially if the flight is not during their normal sleep schedule. Again, doing things to burn off energy beforehand is a good tactic.

    If you plan on giving your child any medications or supplements to aid in sleep or reduce anxiety during a flight, make sure to run it by your pediatrician first to determine what is safe.

    My wife and I were quite nervous before our latest flights to Europe and back. We did the best we could and made it out in one piece. It was challenging and quite stressful all the way through, but my wife and I were a strong support system for each other, which I definitely encourage. Don’t try to make the flight perfect. Do the best you can and enjoy the ride. Follow the rules of the air, and you’ll have good stories to tell afterward.

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  • My Toddler Wanted to be carried

    Hey fans! We are back from our Europe trip. Actually, we have been back for a week now, but I’ve been busy with work for the last several days. An interesting thing I noticed while we were recently in Europe was that our toddler wanted us to carry him pretty much all the time. I could understand this if it were after walking for long periods of time and he got tired. However, this happened at almost every moment we walked outside. The moment we stepped out of our hotel, or even our hotel room, he asked us to pick him up, which became a challenge when we had to carry numerous other items at the same time and were quite tired ourselves. 40 pounds can feel quite heavy after a while. My son and I go for walks around the neighborhood at home, and he’s not asking us to carry him constantly; only after several minutes, when he gets a little tired.

    I looked into why this was the case, and here are a few reasons this might have occurred:

    1. He was overwhelmed. I think this is a strong possibility, as he was in many new surroundings, like the airport, plane, hotels, and city streets he’d never seen before. While our little guy has a lot of travel experience at such a young age, it is still new for him overall. He certainly saw an overabundance of crowds, new languages, transportation like trains, and an abundance of food. This was likely a shock to his nervous system in a big way.
    2. It was his safe place. Being in Mom and Dad’s arms gave him physical closeness, reassurance, and most of all, familiarity. He was in unknown and unfamiliar circumstances, and being with mommy and daddy was something he was used to. He felt safe in our arms and could check out from the noise a little bit.
    3. His normal patterns were disrupted. We were in a different time zone, and his normal schedule, including naps and meals, was disrupted. We also had a lot of stimulation in most of the places we traveled to. Toddlers can become more clingy when tired and stimulated.
    4. He was genuinely tired. For those who have traveled, especially internationally, understand how tiring it truly is. A three-year-old is going to feel this exponentially. Even though we carried him much of the time, his little legs did a lot. Plus, all of the transferring and moving around was not easy. A young child will reach their limits much sooner than an adult will.

    We quickly understood that once our child knew we were there to carry him, he asked more and more. While we did still carry him most of the time, we made some deals with him. We had him walk certain distances, like to the end of a block or a stop sign, before we picked him up. Therefore, he knew he had to do some of the walking by himself. That said, our toddler wasn’t just being lazy. He loves to walk and go out, and there were understandable reasons for him to want to be carried. I will write a separate blog post with some advice on traveling with a toddler.

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  • On Vacation

    Hey Everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. We have been on vacation in Europe, having a good time. We will be back next week. Will give you all some updates and insights on traveling with a toddler when we’re back. It’s fun but definitely not for the faint of heart.

    Enjoying some ice cream in Amsterdam! His joy makes the tough times worth it.

  • Should You Take Advice from Other Dads?

    There are many books, articles, blog posts, and experts out there, all of which can provide a wealth of knowledge. However, there are some things you won’t fully grasp without experience, whether it’s your own, or someone else’s. The question is: should you take advice from other dads? Yes, you absolutely should. Experienced fathers can provide a wealth of knowledge and advice. That being said, you don’t have to take their advice as gospel or follow it to a T.

    Every dad out there has been through different circumstances, and these can vary based on each child, where they live, what their environment is like, and other factors, too. Therefore, what worked for one family may not be ideal for others.

    Here are some good ways to approach it:

    1. Listen to their advice without feeling obligated to follow it. Follow what you feel will be useful and reject the rest. Take in the information and decipher for yourself what is relevant. Feel free to research certain things that you have further questions about.
    2. Look at their actions, don’t just hear their words. I’m not saying people are perfect, but I would suggest you follow the advice of people who walk their talk and actually live by the advice they preach, if you agree with it.
    3. Remember the old phrase: there is more than one way to skin a cat. Parenting is not always universal, so be wary of advice that suggests there is only one way to go. And definitely don’t skin any cats.
    4. As you take in advice from others, grow from your own experience too. You will know your child better than anybody.
    5. Communicate with your partner too and see how they feel about the advice you give. You are building a family together so everyone should be on the same page as much as possible.

    This may sound like a strange post since I also provide advice. However, I have always expressed to not just take what I say as gospel either. I’m here to provide whatever guidance I can from personal experience. If you disagree with anything I say, that’s totally fine, as well.

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  • Stay in Shape, Dads!

    Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing someone who is fit. Not necessarily buff, but that’s good too. I mean being in shape, feeling good, and being happy with what you see. If you can look in the mirror and be happy with what’s looking back at you, it’s definitely a great feeling.

    However, staying in shape as a dad goes well beyond image. It’s really a necessity to become the best father you can be. It’s about having the strength, discipline, energy, and confidence to be present for your child for as long as possible. Nothing is guaranteed in this world, but not taking care of yourself surely doesn’t put you on a winning path.

    Here are some reasons why staying in shape as a father is essential:

    1. You will have more energy for your kids. Having children is tiring, regardless of how much we love them. Once you have children, you may never get a truly relaxing moment, especially when combined with work and other obligations. It consumes a lot of energy to play at the park, chase your toddler around a store, make sure they eat their dinner, carry them when they’re tired, travel with extra luggage, and just answer their curiosity questions. If you work out regularly, you will have more energy to be engaged during these times. Suddenly, a trip to the park won’t burn all of your energy.
    2. You are investing in a future with them. Your children will not just need you today and tomorrow. They will need you for many years to come. Wouldn’t it be great to be active with them now, and in 10, 15, and 20 years?
    3. You become a positive example. I’ve stated numerous times that children pay more attention to what you do than what you say. So, lead by example. If they see you being active, they will become active. If they see you sitting on the couch, eating snacks, and scrolling on your phone, they will do the same thing. I’m not saying it’s never okay to veg out on the couch and just chill, but make physical fitness a normal part of your routine. Kids learn a tremendous amount by watching their parents.
    4. Being strong makes fatherhood easier. You’ll be doing a lot of carrying as a parent: luggage, strollers, carriages, toys, and also your child. You may also play sports, run, ride a bike, hike, and do whatever else your child enjoys. All of these require physical activity, so having some strength is a big advantage.
    5. It helps handle stress. Exercise can definitely help you mentally and be a productive outlet when life begins to pile up.

    Fitness does not have to mean going to the gym. If you don’t enjoy the gym, that’s fine. There are many ways to be physically active: running, riding a bike, hiking, playing basketball, dancing, walking around the block, you name it. Heck, you can just do squats, push-ups, and sit-ups in your bedroom.

    Taking care of yourself is not selfish. And even if it is, so what? I’m honestly sick of the mindset that we can’t do things for ourselves without getting criticized. If you have the opportunity to do something good for yourself, take it. Being in shape means being strong enough to carry your kids, energetic enough to chase them around, healthy enough to keep up with them, mobile enough to take them around town and on travels, and disciplined enough to make this a regular part of life.

    I admit that I haven’t been as disciplined about working out and being physically fit over the last couple of years. I am changing that. I am writing this post after just finishing up at the gym. To my fans reading this, feel free to hold me accountable.

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  • Something I Observed at the Park

    This morning, I took my son to the park. We ran around, climbed, and played on the equipment. As always, it was a ton of fun. At one point, I noticed a couple of other kids playing with someone who looked like their grandma. A few minutes later, a man showed up, and it was their father. He immediately hugged his children, and to my surprise, he was in tears. From what I quickly gathered, he likely hadn’t seen his children in a while, and this was some sort of visitation or parenting time.

    I didn’t eavesdrop or anything, but the situation seemed pretty obvious, even from the periphery. That father was so happy to see his children during this time that it brought tears to his eyes. Yes, not seeing your children for a while can make even the strongest among us break down. This moment made me realize how valuable time with our children is, and I hope I never take it for granted. Even the small moments, when I get to see him when I wake up every morning and when I go to bed at night, are a blessing.

  • Put Your Phone Down, Dads

    I get it. Our world runs on the internet, and our phones are our lifelines. We can respond to emails and messages instantly, look up valuable information in seconds, and find something entertaining to watch any time we are bored. Yes, having a phone is important for both personal and professional reasons, and I am certainly not telling you to throw them away and go without. However, we can keep our phones handy without becoming addicted, and we can certainly put them away when it’s time for our children.

    You may think being in your child’s presence is good enough, regardless of whether you are paying attention to them or not. However, your children notice more than you think, including when you’re highly distracted, whether responding to work emails or watching mindless videos that can wait. I’m not telling you to ignore important messages and delay essential work projects. However, when it’s time to be with your child, give them as much attention as you can, even if it’s as simple as watching them play. Therefore, put down your phone and avoid other distractions as much as possible.

    Childhood is happening in real time, and there is no replay button. If you miss something cute or memorable, no matter how small, it is gone for good. If you see it in real time, even if you don’t get a photo or video, it will still be burned into your memory. Some of my best memories with my son are the smallest ones that happened behind closed doors, like when he stares me dead in the eyes with a huge smile on his face, enjoying my presence. Those memories are priceless and far more meaningful than anything I’ll see on my phone. In most instances, the phone can wait. Not every message warrants an immediate response. Sometimes the most important things in life are happening right in front of you.

    Kids learn an immense amount from their parents, simply by observing them. When you use your phone, you’re teaching them about technology and how to manage it. If they constantly see you on your phone, they will believe it is okay and may become addicted to their phones or tablets too. Sometimes, it’s nice to just sit peacefully and enjoy your surroundings.

    Once again, I’m not telling you to become a monk and abandon your phone entirely. Instead, create intentional periods throughout the day when the phone is off-limits, like dinner time, bath time, bedtime, playtime, and whatever other time you find valuable to be without technology. We all become distracted, whether it’s by our phones or something else. The key is to recognize when these distractions are making us miss out on life and limit them.

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  • The First Time he Used Chopsticks

    This moment is from a few days ago. I had worked an 11-hour shift at the hospital. It wasn’t too crazy, but definitely a tiring day, both mentally and physically. The easiest thing to do was to go home, eat something quickly, and then crash out on the bed. However, I’d been aching to do something with the family, as my wife and I had been working a lot and often did not see each other much during the day.

    On this particular evening, my wife was home and our son was still full of energy. We decided to try a new Japanese spot in town. As always, I got my sushi rolls. My wife also ordered some type of mango sushi roll, and we ordered some edamame as an appetizer. For our son, we ordered noodles, and he gobbled them up. They were quite tasty for him, which we were ecstatic about. My wife and I love it when he eats well, especially when it’s something new.

    There is something that occurred on this night that made us smile. The restaurant staff brought our son some chopsticks with some type of device that connected the two, making it easier for him to use. To our surprise, he tried to use them and actually did a decent job. He must have seen us do it a time or two and picked it up from that. Perhaps it is his Asian blood that makes it natural for him. Lol. Whatever the case, it was great to see. He still struggled, which is expected, but he kept picking them up and trying, and that’s the most important part.

    Perhaps in a couple of years, he will be using those chopsticks better than anyone. A father can only hope. I’m so glad we chose to go out and have a family night, when it would have been just as easy to stay home and veg out. This night was not some sort of monumental event, but it was still a memorable family night. As a father, you won’t always be energized and ready to be Superdad. However, that is not what is needed. You simply need to make your children and family a priority in your life and take time for these special moments, regardless of how small or insignificant. Years from now, you may find that the smallest moments were the most important and memorable ones.

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  • Being Prepared in the Delivery Room

    Obviously, the main people to worry about in the delivery room are the mother and, once they are born, the baby. In this post, I’ll focus on what the dad needs in the delivery room. You will likely be at the hospital or birthing center for several days, so it’s imperative to be prepared. Remember, you will likely be the main caregiver for your wife or partner, so take the time to make yourself comfortable and feel at home while in the delivery room, which could be several days.

    Here are some of the essentials:

    1. Comfortable clothes and several changes of clothes. Make sure to have warm clothing as the room can get cold.
    2. A phone charger and a power bank. Perhaps a book or other type of entertainment because there will likely be some downtime.
    3. Snacks, water/hydration, and whatever else you enjoy. Of course, if the hospital has a good cafeteria or cafe, knock yourself out.
    4. Toitetries
    5. Pillows, blankets, and whatever else you need for a comfortable night’s sleep.
    6. Definitely have some cash and/or credit cards on hand. Of course, there are many types of payment methods now.
    7. Important paperwork that you may need to have or work on.
    8. A proper ID.

    If you have room in your bag, you can pack a few things for your partner too. Find out what you can bring yourself to make your partner’s stay more comfortable. For example, we had a mini fan with us that I used for my wife during the delivery process, as the room can get quite warm.

    Make a small bag yourself well ahead of time so you can easily grab it when it’s time to go to the hospital. Don’t try to search for and pack all these items at the last minute. Basically, bring whatever you can to feel more at home that is allowed at the hospital. Bear in mind that the hospital will provide many of the basics that you need, like toiletries and bedding, if you’re okay not using your own for a few days.

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  • Feeling Jealousy

    So, this may sound strange at first, but just hear me out. For full disclosure, I never felt the emotion discussed in this post when my kiddo was born. On the contrary, I enjoyed watching the attention he received because I knew he was well loved by so many people, whether it was my wife and me, the grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, and even strangers. I thought it was awesome when strangers would talk about how cute he was when they would see him in his stroller.

    That being said, do new dads ever feel jealous of their baby? Some fathers do feel this way. They are jealous because the baby is getting all of the attention and suddenly becomes the most important person in the relationship and household. Yes, the baby does become the most important person because they need everyone’s full attention and care. That doesn’t mean you, as the father, become useless. You play a huge role in the baby’s care, and just remember that your little one cannot survive without your attention.

    Some fathers may also feel left out because of all the mother-baby bonding time, which is crucial. Once again, you may feel useless during these moments and wish you could get the special time back with your partner. Do you know what else is crucial? Father-baby bonding time. Dads can also perform skin-to-skin contact and connect with the newborn in their own special way. For instance, bath time, changing diapers, taking the baby to the park, or just holding them are all moments of great bonding.

    Furthermore, fathers can suddenly feel like their needs don’t matter and that even when they’re exhausted, the baby comes first. While the baby’s needs do become a priority because, once again, they cannot care for themselves, that does not mean your needs don’t matter. Your wife or partner may want to take care of you, but she’s exhausted too, so take that into consideration. Do your best to have alone time with your spouse when the baby naps, and take care of each other. The parents should definitely not forget their own needs and wants, even though the baby does take priority.

    Many dads will feel guilty for having these jealous emotions. I’m here to tell you, without judgment, that it’s okay to have these feelings. We are all human, and if you have these thoughts, it doesn’t make you a bad father. It makes you a person with a heart and soul. As a father, you will often have to be stoic and grit your way through tough times. However, that does not mean you won’t experience complex emotions. Fatherhood means you won’t let these complexities define who you are as a parent.

    Your baby will have numerous needs that require an immediate response. They cannot communicate through words, so it becomes a bit of a guessing game. As the father, you will play a significant role in helping your child meet those needs. Your partner will also rely on you for emotional and other types of support. She will appreciate having a good teammate to raise a child together. Remember these facts if you ever feel useless in the moment. You are more valuable than you realize.

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New Dad Series