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Something I Observed at the Park
This morning, I took my son to the park. We ran around, climbed, and played on the equipment. As always, it was a ton of fun. At one point, I noticed a couple of other kids playing with someone who looked like their grandma. A few minutes later, a man showed up, and it was their father. He immediately hugged his children, and to my surprise, he was in tears. From what I quickly gathered, he likely hadn’t seen his children in a while, and this was some sort of visitation or parenting time.
I didn’t eavesdrop or anything, but the situation seemed pretty obvious, even from the periphery. That father was so happy to see his children during this time that it brought tears to his eyes. Yes, not seeing your children for a while can make even the strongest among us break down. This moment made me realize how valuable time with our children is, and I hope I never take it for granted. Even the small moments, when I get to see him when I wake up every morning and when I go to bed at night, are a blessing.
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The First Time he Used Chopsticks
This moment is from a few days ago. I had worked an 11-hour shift at the hospital. It wasn’t too crazy, but definitely a tiring day, both mentally and physically. The easiest thing to do was to go home, eat something quickly, and then crash out on the bed. However, I’d been aching to do something with the family, as my wife and I had been working a lot and often did not see each other much during the day.
On this particular evening, my wife was home and our son was still full of energy. We decided to try a new Japanese spot in town. As always, I got my sushi rolls. My wife also ordered some type of mango sushi roll, and we ordered some edamame as an appetizer. For our son, we ordered noodles, and he gobbled them up. They were quite tasty for him, which we were ecstatic about. My wife and I love it when he eats well, especially when it’s something new.
There is something that occurred on this night that made us smile. The restaurant staff brought our son some chopsticks with some type of device that connected the two, making it easier for him to use. To our surprise, he tried to use them and actually did a decent job. He must have seen us do it a time or two and picked it up from that. Perhaps it is his Asian blood that makes it natural for him. Lol. Whatever the case, it was great to see. He still struggled, which is expected, but he kept picking them up and trying, and that’s the most important part.
Perhaps in a couple of years, he will be using those chopsticks better than anyone. A father can only hope. I’m so glad we chose to go out and have a family night, when it would have been just as easy to stay home and veg out. This night was not some sort of monumental event, but it was still a memorable family night. As a father, you won’t always be energized and ready to be Superdad. However, that is not what is needed. You simply need to make your children and family a priority in your life and take time for these special moments, regardless of how small or insignificant. Years from now, you may find that the smallest moments were the most important and memorable ones.
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Being Prepared in the Delivery Room
Obviously, the main people to worry about in the delivery room are the mother and, once they are born, the baby. In this post, I’ll focus on what the dad needs in the delivery room. You will likely be at the hospital or birthing center for several days, so it’s imperative to be prepared. Remember, you will likely be the main caregiver for your wife or partner, so take the time to make yourself comfortable and feel at home while in the delivery room, which could be several days.
Here are some of the essentials:
- Comfortable clothes and several changes of clothes. Make sure to have warm clothing as the room can get cold.
- A phone charger and a power bank. Perhaps a book or other type of entertainment because there will likely be some downtime.
- Snacks, water/hydration, and whatever else you enjoy. Of course, if the hospital has a good cafeteria or cafe, knock yourself out.
- Toitetries
- Pillows, blankets, and whatever else you need for a comfortable night’s sleep.
- Definitely have some cash and/or credit cards on hand. Of course, there are many types of payment methods now.
- Important paperwork that you may need to have or work on.
- A proper ID.
If you have room in your bag, you can pack a few things for your partner too. Find out what you can bring yourself to make your partner’s stay more comfortable. For example, we had a mini fan with us that I used for my wife during the delivery process, as the room can get quite warm.
Make a small bag yourself well ahead of time so you can easily grab it when it’s time to go to the hospital. Don’t try to search for and pack all these items at the last minute. Basically, bring whatever you can to feel more at home that is allowed at the hospital. Bear in mind that the hospital will provide many of the basics that you need, like toiletries and bedding, if you’re okay not using your own for a few days.
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Feeling Jealousy
So, this may sound strange at first, but just hear me out. For full disclosure, I never felt the emotion discussed in this post when my kiddo was born. On the contrary, I enjoyed watching the attention he received because I knew he was well loved by so many people, whether it was my wife and me, the grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, and even strangers. I thought it was awesome when strangers would talk about how cute he was when they would see him in his stroller.
That being said, do new dads ever feel jealous of their baby? Some fathers do feel this way. They are jealous because the baby is getting all of the attention and suddenly becomes the most important person in the relationship and household. Yes, the baby does become the most important person because they need everyone’s full attention and care. That doesn’t mean you, as the father, become useless. You play a huge role in the baby’s care, and just remember that your little one cannot survive without your attention.
Some fathers may also feel left out because of all the mother-baby bonding time, which is crucial. Once again, you may feel useless during these moments and wish you could get the special time back with your partner. Do you know what else is crucial? Father-baby bonding time. Dads can also perform skin-to-skin contact and connect with the newborn in their own special way. For instance, bath time, changing diapers, taking the baby to the park, or just holding them are all moments of great bonding.
Furthermore, fathers can suddenly feel like their needs don’t matter and that even when they’re exhausted, the baby comes first. While the baby’s needs do become a priority because, once again, they cannot care for themselves, that does not mean your needs don’t matter. Your wife or partner may want to take care of you, but she’s exhausted too, so take that into consideration. Do your best to have alone time with your spouse when the baby naps, and take care of each other. The parents should definitely not forget their own needs and wants, even though the baby does take priority.
Many dads will feel guilty for having these jealous emotions. I’m here to tell you, without judgment, that it’s okay to have these feelings. We are all human, and if you have these thoughts, it doesn’t make you a bad father. It makes you a person with a heart and soul. As a father, you will often have to be stoic and grit your way through tough times. However, that does not mean you won’t experience complex emotions. Fatherhood means you won’t let these complexities define who you are as a parent.
Your baby will have numerous needs that require an immediate response. They cannot communicate through words, so it becomes a bit of a guessing game. As the father, you will play a significant role in helping your child meet those needs. Your partner will also rely on you for emotional and other types of support. She will appreciate having a good teammate to raise a child together. Remember these facts if you ever feel useless in the moment. You are more valuable than you realize.
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Exhausted, But Present
As someone who consistently works 50-60 hours per week, in addition to having numerous other projects and interests, I certainly understand not having much free time. I also understand the feeling of being exhausted and just wanting to lie down. When you become a father, it’s not as easy, because a small child depends on you and wants some of your attention too, which they deserve. You can be a present father, even when you’re exhausted. The two things are not mutually exclusive.
There will be times when tiredness will take over, and you will have no choice but to sleep and get some rest. Don’t feel guilty about feeling this way and doing some self-care once in a while. Many dads feel guilty because they think they always have to be moving. Being present does not mean having unlimited time. It means treating the precious time you do have like gold. Carve out moments in the day to only spend time with your child and set boundaries with everything and everyone else. Even if you can’t give your child hours of attention, give them your full attention when it’s time to do so. A few minutes of memorable play is far better than hours of ignoring the child right next to you.
15 to 20-minute blocks can be highly valuable. Use these moments to shut out the rest of the world. Don’t think about work and definitely put your phone away. Sometimes being a good dad simply means you are tired, but you show up anyway. When I get home from work, I often only have short periods of time with my son, so I will use them wisely. We will play with his cars, go for a drive, walk around the block, get some ice cream, go swimming, or just watch some TV. Even if these occasions are short-lived, they are memorable for me. He may not recall them yet, but I feel like he’s getting to the age where he soon will.
There really is no negotiation here. If you want to be a present father, you must be deliberate about it. Regardless of how insignificant the activity is, it will mean a lot to your son or daughter to have you there with them. Your child does not need every last ounce of your energy. They simply need to feel that you are sharing some of your precious energy with them. My son is napping as I write this post, but I plan to take him for a nice drive later.
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The Baby Comes Home
The last time you left home, it was probably just you and your wife/partner alone. Now, after two or three days, or however long the hospital stay was, you are walking down to your car, buckling your infant into their car seat, and driving home for the first time with baby in tow. During the drive home, you realize you are fully responsible for a tiny human who will rely on you fully for many years to come. Your life has officially changed.
The first night at home can draw out a range of feelings, like fear, exhaustion, stress, and excitement. Whatever the case, the moment will be unforgettable. While you may have thought you were prepared well enough, you may question yourself about many things. For instance, you may wonder if the baby is getting enough nutrition, if they’re sleeping too much or not enough, why you can’t get them to stop crying, or if you’re doing things right at all. It is certainly okay to have these thoughts, and it doesn’t mean you weren’t prepared enough. No matter how much preparation we do, babies do not come with an instruction manual, and we learn many things on the fly through experience.
The biggest change you may feel on the first night is the lack of sleep. I’m sure you already felt that during the few nights you were in the hospital. The days and nights will consist of feedings, diaper changes, soothing sessions, and watching the baby as they sleep to make sure they are still doing well. Soothing sessions can vary greatly. Sometimes the baby will feel better right away and fall back asleep. Other times, it may take several minutes. Or, it could take several hours. My wife and I often took turns trying to soothe our baby son and get him to sleep, and we were up several hours doing so. The best thing you can do is work as a team with your partner and take turns with these tasks while the other person sleeps. You will not get perfect sleep, but do the best you can and take advantage of short nap sessions.
Your main focus when returning from the hospital will be the baby and your partner. Don’t worry too much about cleaning the house, cooking, laundry, or doing any of that stuff. While having house chores pile up may drive you nuts, the priority is still the baby and each other. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Reach out to friends and/or family members who are willing to help, and don’t feel bad for accepting their help. Swallow your pride and realize that it’s for the good of your new infant and yourself.
With all of the chaos that may occur during your first night, make sure to take the time to soak things in. There will be moments of silence, like when your baby is feeding or comfortably sleeping in your arms. Use these instances to appreciate what you have. You and your partner brought a new life into this world. Store this in your memory bank. Pause as often as possible to fully take in what is happening. Days, months, and years from now, you will remember these special occasions. Oh, and don’t forget to take a lot of pictures.
Your first night at home is not about getting everything right, because you probably won’t. It’s about keeping your baby safe and secure and ensuring that their needs are taken care of. The ultimate goal from here on out is to show up, have patience, be kind, learn every day, and be consistent. Years from now, you may not recall how many times your baby fed or how many hours you slept. But you will remember the special moments you had with your child when you brought them home on that first night.
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Fun Times
Just sharing some photos from a fun weekend! Thank you Smooth Alpaca Adventures in Golden, CO!
Feeding the Alpacas! 
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An Interesting Moment With My Son
The other day, I had a moment with my son that really taught me something. I was helping him put together a toy rocket that I bought him a while back. At one point, he took part of it and set it on the table across the room. I asked him to bring it back to me, but he didn’t. I asked him again, and just like before, he ignored the request. The third time, I raised my voice and asked him again. He stared at me and looked confused with a little bit of a frightened stare. At that point, I took a deep breath, paused momentarily, and politely asked my son to please pick up the rocket, which he did. Then I asked him politely to bring it to me, and he did. I hugged him and told him he did a good job.
What does this all mean? Sometimes it’s better to handle the situation calmly, and in most instances, you’ll feel better afterward, especially if you get the intended result. The scared look on my son’s face immediately told me I should handle this situation differently, which I did. Lo and behold, it worked. I’m genuinely happy it did and will try to remember times like this in the future. While this moment may seem small and insignificant, it taught me a nice lesson about how calmness can often get the results you want, more so than losing your temper.
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More Than a Provider
For a long time, fathers were simply looked at as providers. They were someone who paid the bills, provided safety and security, worked long hours, and kept everything moving forward. If time permitted, they may spend a few minutes with the kiddos before everyone goes to bed. Fathers loved their children but may not have been involved in all the intricate details of raising them. While being a provider is not something to be shunned or overlooked, it paints a partial picture of what fatherhood can be.
Children will not just remember who bought them fancy toys or provided them a safe place to call home. They will also remember who played with them, read their favorite stories to them, experienced adventures with them, and showed up for them when they needed it the most. Fathers are not just there to provide resources, but to give emotional support, encouragement, guidance, love, and affection. A child may not remember an expensive vacation or toy, but they will remember playing with their dad in the yard or their father standing next to them during an amazing experience.
Being present for your child is an investment, and just like anything else, it requires effort, but it’s worth it. It requires putting down the phone during important moments. Even the small moments are important, like your child eating dinner or playing with their favorite toys. Being present means you are genuinely interested in your child. When they speak, listen closely without immediate judgment. Be involved in their everyday routines. Create small traditions as they grow up, like reading a book before bedtime or going to the park every Saturday morning. Do your best to honor commitments because children won’t forget broken promises, especially when it becomes a routine.
Many parents will continue the traditions of their own parents, which can be positive or negative, depending on the situation. If you had a father who was not present, but simply acted as a provider, you may want to break that cycle, and it’s up to you to do so. Look back on your life and decide which aspects you want to take from your parents and which you want to change. Show your kiddos that love can be shown through both words and actions. The greatest legacy you can leave behind is having a child who knows they were loved.
New Dad Series
New Dad Series 