New Dad Series

  • Non-Linear Growth

    Your children will change and growth will occur very quickly during their early years. You will be amazed by how much they grow from ages one and two, and three and four, and so on. There might be another thing that shocks you, and that is perceived regression. You may notice that your child enjoys something one day, and then a little while later, they no longer love it and are even terrified by it. This happened a few times with my own son. For instance, he loved going down slides, then all of a sudden didn’t want to go near them. Before, he had no issues sitting on a bicycle but then started running away when seeing one.

    This may cause much confusion for parents. It certainly did for me. These moments can feel like things are going in reverse and all of the progress made has already been lost. The truth is that it hasn’t. Child development is not linear. Their brains develop incredibly fast and as a result, they are testing new sensations, building emotional associations, developing awareness of safety and risk, and constantly evaluating the world around them. Why did your child suddenly become afraid of the slide? He or she may have realized the rapid speeds at which they travel down them. Why does your child no longer want to sit on their bike? They may have realized the risk associated with falling off of one. What can appear like inconsistency may likely be active processing.

    A child can happily engage in certain activities one day and then be petrified the next. Nothing externally changed, but something inside of them did. A new fear is not regression, per se, but an increase in awareness, which is a good thing. It’s good that your kiddo becomes aware that specific activities pose certain risks. Early development does not move in a straight line, but rather, in waves with peaks and valleys. You won’t always understand it but realize it isn’t necessarily a negative thing.

    Give your child time and space to better understand what is happening. Let them play and explore things at their own comfort level but observe them closely. If you force an issue, it usually makes resistance to an activity stronger. As parents, rather than force consistency, we should stay steady and be ready to provide support when needed.

    All that being said, I’m no expert on this subject. If you are legitimately concerned about developmental issues that your child has, don’t hesitate to seek out a professional. Generally, this would be your pediatrician who can make other recommendations.

    Some parents believe that development will look like this.

    But it can often feel like this.

  • Why Comparison is Deadly

    People in general want to compare themselves with others. They want to keep up with the Joneses, or whatever your neighbors’ last names are. Fathers often want to compare themselves to other dads they know and wonder why they are not as successful, in shape, calm, wealthy, productive, or whatever else they may deem a shortcoming compared to others.

    Comparison can be deadly because it robs us of our happiness. Instead of focusing on our own lives, we become infatuated and even envious of others. This can become toxic, especially when it get out of control. I’m telling you right now that you don’t need to compare yourselves to other men and their abilities as fathers. Concentrate on yourself and your family. Give them the best version of yourself. That’s all they need.

    While it’s okay to be inspired by others, don’t always assume those individuals have everything together or that you are failing. They are likely struggling in their own ways. You are only getting a small window into their lives, so don’t worry too much about what they are doing. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to be present for them. Now get out there and enjoy time with your kiddos.

  • Building Trust

    We’ve spoken a lot about consistency in parenting, and this is very important in building trust between a father and their child. Trust is not built with one grand deed, but through multiple small actions over time. For instance, if you are largely absent from your child’s life but get them expensive gifts on special occasions, they might be excited for a while, but these feelings will soon fade, and a growing resentment can brew after a while. However, if you’re there for them day after day, they will see you as an emotional safe place.

    Here are some ways to build trust that won’t cost you anything:

    1. Listen to your children without immediately making a judgement or criticizing. Allow your child to express themselves, within reason, assess what was said, and go from there. If you avoid immediate judgement, your child will feel more comfortable coming to you with their problems.
    2. Keep promises, regardless of how small they are. I still remember moments during my childhood where adults would tell me certain things, but when it came time to do them, they either conveniently forgot, or made up some excuse for why they couldn’t deliver. I still think about these moments and shake my head at those adults who could never keep their promises and thought it was no big deal. I always strive to keep my promises to my son, even though he is still a toddler and probably won’t remember it anyway. I don’t want to make it a habit of breaking promises.
    3. Spend uninterrupted time together. When you’re with your children, avoid distractions like your phone. Don’t respond to calls or messages unless it’s an emergency. Be present with your child when you’re with them.
    4. Admit when you’ve made a mistake and apologize. We all make mistakes. Apologize when you do and move on.
    5. Do your best to make sure your child feels heard, valued, or protected. Never make your children feel like they’re a burden. You chose to bring them into this world. They didn’t choose to be here.

    When a father fosters an environment filled with patience, stability, calmness, and love, the child will feel they can come to their dads for anything. Children may forget specific conversations, but they will remember how you made them feel, so make sure those emotions are positive.

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  • A Father’s Calmness

    You may not realize it, but your children will feed off of your energy. A father’s calmness is important in the home for a variety of reasons. Parents are a child’s first teacher. They are someone who demonstrates to their children how one should respond to the stresses, conflicts, mistakes, celebrations, and uncertainties of life. When a father remains calm and steady, it shows his children that challenging moments, whatever they may be, can be handled with stoicism and grace, rather than panic or aggression. If you are someone who is constantly frustrated, yelling, and acting anxious, your children will feel these are the best ways to handle life.

    How can calmness help our youth, the most innocent among us? Here are a few benefits:

    1. Feeling secure: When the adults in the room are emotionally secure, the children feel more relaxed and safe.
    2. Regulation of emotions: Adults’ emotional patterns become their children’s emotional patterns. Your calmness will become contagious.
    3. Builds confidence: Children will make mistakes, just like any of us. They will spill things, not listen when they’re spoken to, and just do things that will cause frustration. If parents react calmly to mistakes, children will become less afraid of making them, creating more confidence. You can do this in a way that reinforces consequences without tearing them down.
    4. Trust: When children know their parents won’t act explosively, they are more likely to come to them with problems.
    5. Healthy conflict resolution skills: Calm parents can model listening, patience, and problem-solving.

    Remember, fathers, we are all humans in the end. Yes, we should strive to maintain tranquility at all times, but nobody is perfect. There will be times when our feelings will get the best of us, and we will react in ways we don’t mean to. Recognize and understand these moments and try to do better the next time. Children can also benefit from seeing their parents going through real emotions in real time.

    Here are a few ways you can react if you ever lose control of your emotions:

    1. “I am frustrated right now, so I will step away and deal with this later.”
    2. “I was very upset earlier, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did.”
    3. “Ok, we have an issue right now, so let’s sit down and resolve it together.”

    Children will remember the emotional atmosphere of their homes for years and may even incorporate it into their own parenting skills as adults. If a father brings steadiness and calmness to their home, a child will associate them with protection, wisdom, and reassurance. Composed parents also make better decisions. There’s an old adage that one should not make decisions when one is angry or not in control of one’s emotions. A calm approach can prevent bad situations from escalating further.

    Stay calm out there, gentlemen.

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  • Co-Sleeping vs Sleeping Independently

    A lot can be said about co-sleeping and independent sleeping when it comes to children. Is one a better option than the other? It generally comes down to factors like the child’s temperament, cultural practices, safety practices, sleep quality, and the parents’ values. Relating to culture, co-sleeping is common throughout many Asian countries, with the emphasis being on family closeness, interdependence, and emotional security. In many cultures, homes are multi-generational; therefore, co-sleeping is common for practical reasons.

    Whether or not you co-sleep with your kids and for how long will depend on your own situation and beliefs. Honestly, I don’t think one method is superior to the other. I’ve met parents who have co-slept with their children up to elementary school, and others who have had their kids sleeping independently from day one. I found them to be good parents, regardless of the decision they made related to this topic.

    I will break down the positives and negatives of each approach.

    Co-sleeping can mean room-sharing or bed-sharing. Room-sharing is generally recommended for infants due to safety concerns. If you are going to bed-share, make sure proper safety precautions are taken to prevent injury to the infant. Here are some of the benefits of co-sleeping:

    1. Emotional security: Children often feel calmer and safer near their parents. In a crazy world, they see their parents as a safe space that will protect them. Children may wake up with less anxiety, and the bond between child and parent can strengthen.
    2. Easier nighttime parenting: Sleeping in the same room or bed can simplify comforting, feeding, and responding when the child wakes at night. This can especially be helpful during illness, sleep regression cycles, nightmares, and various life transitions.
    3. Family connection: Many families value closeness and sharing nighttime routines.
    4. Sleep benefits: Some parents have reported that everyone sleeps better when the child is nearby, preventing the parents from repeatedly walking from room to room.

    Here are some potential negatives of co-sleeping:

    1. While the sleep benefits for some parents are better, for others, it can be worse. This is mainly due to the child’s constant movement, which can significantly disrupt sleep.
    2. Children can become overly dependent on their parents in order to fall asleep. This can become more of an issue as the child gets older.
    3. If parents want independent sleep, the transition can become more difficult as the child gets older. Therefore, if you start co-sleeping and plan to transition to independent sleeping, the earlier you start, the better.
    4. Bed sharing can lead to increased risks of suffocation, injury, and SIDS. Definitely discuss safety options with your pediatrician or other parenting experts. I may make a separate blog about this topic down the line.

    Now, let’s discuss the idea of sleeping independently, which, as it states, means the child sleeps in a separate room, independent of the parents. If you’re going to begin this immediately, make sure you have quick access to the baby and can hear them if they need you. Or, when they need you (e.g., by setting up a monitor and having adjacent rooms).

    Here are some of the benefits of independent sleeping:

    1. Builds greater independence: Children can learn to self-soothe more effectively and fall asleep on their own. This can also increase confidence and independence as the child grows.
    2. Better sleep patterns for some families: Parents can often sleep better due to fewer disturbances from constant movement and from the child waking up.
    3. Creates consistency: Children will associate their rooms with rest and calmness.
    4. More time for the adults: Parents can have more time and space to reconnect and relax.

    Here are some of the negatives of co-sleeping:

    1. Sleep-training transitions can be emotionally challenging for the children and parents.
    2. There can be more nighttime disruptions and walking to other rooms for the parents, especially in the early years.
    3. Some children can experience more nighttime anxiety.

    Age is definitely a factor to consider when co-sleeping. With infants, room sharing is recommended over bed sharing, mainly due to safety concerns. As you can see, both options have their benefits and drawbacks, so decide for yourself what’s better for your family. What matters most when choosing between co-sleeping and independent sleeping is responsive parenting, presence, consistency, emotional security, and safe-sleeping practices. When a child feels safe and connected to their parents during the day, they can thrive regardless of the sleeping arrangement that you set up. I hope this information has been helpful. Now, go set up your child’s room. Or, don’t. Whatever.

    On a side note, a good compromise is independent sleeping most of the time, with co-sleeping when the child is ill, having nightmares, or having difficulty falling asleep.

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  • Fun Moments!

    Will post more informational blogs soon. In the meantime, here’s a photo of my kiddo all dressed up for the beach. Enjoy these fun moments!

  • Infant Needs vs. Toddler Needs: Two different Worlds of Fatherhood

    For all of the new or soon-to-be parents out there, just know that your infant and toddler will be two separate people, even though they are technically the same person. As such, they will have different needs. Your child will change exponentially during their first few years of life, and it will both amaze and scare you at the same time. One day, you’ll be taking care of an infant who relies on you 100%, and before you know it, you’ll have a toddler who is slowly becoming more independent, loves to explore, and will test your limits daily. Both the infant and the toddler will make you worry, but for different reasons.

    The infant stage consists of keeping them safe, fed, and close. The needs for an infant are simple, but intense. You literally have to be on top of the feedings, naps, and holding them when needed. Your infant will rely on you for round-the-clock feeding (generally every 2 hours), putting them to sleep (which can range from a couple of minutes to over an hour), diaper changes, other physical care, like baths, and constant soothing and reassurance. You will be holding your baby for long periods of time.

    When you pick up your baby and hold them close, it not only soothes them but also builds a foundation. You’re teaching them that you are their safe space, so to speak. The infant stage is all about how and when you respond. It is not the time to teach or discipline. Those moments come later on. Your role is to calm your baby because they do not yet have the ability to calm themselves. What’s even more difficult is that they can’t tell you what’s bothering them. It begins a guessing and elimination game.

    During the toddler stage, your kiddo will want to explore. Let them do so, but don’t let them fall apart. Soon enough, your child will start walking, running, climbing, getting into things, and testing what they can get away with. Your child will gain more and more independence during this phase. Instead of needing you for everything, they will try things on their own. This is great, and you should let them explore and try new things, but keep it within reason. For instance, if you see your toddler exploring something by climbing, watch them closely and stop them before they get hurt. Keep your eyes glued to them and be ready to intervene immediately. Toddlers have a desire for independence, but cannot fully handle it. This can lead to meltdowns. They’re not trying to be difficult. They need your guidance. Help them explore, explain the consequences of their decisions, and assist them in navigating their emotions.

    In summary, infants require their needs to be met instantly, and toddlers need guidance in navigating their needs. The two stages of development are widely different, but what remains constant is your need to be present, patient, and consistent. You can’t just be a parent once in a while. You are a parent 24/7 once you choose to take on that responsibility.

    As a father, you will slowly adjust your parenting style as your child grows and develops. You will learn when to step back and when to step in. You will slowly learn when to let go, inch by inch. You will learn to meet them where they are. I am currently meeting my son during his toddler phase. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

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  • Enjoying Fatherhood

    Here are some pics from a recent hike I did with my son. Small reminder to enjoy every moment you can and be a present father.

  • Bonding With Your Child as a Father: Built, Not Given

    There’s a silent expectation placed on fathers that no one really talks about. You’re supposed to feel it instantly—the overwhelming love, the deep connection, the sense that your life has changed forever. And when that moment doesn’t hit the way you imagined, it can leave you wondering if something is missing.

    The truth is simpler and far more reassuring: the bond is often built through work and time. So if you don’t feel it instantly, don’t worry.

    The Myth of Instant Connection

    When your child is born, your world shifts overnight. But your emotions may not catch up right away.

    You might feel:

    • Responsible, but not deeply connected yet
    • Protective, but also uncertain
    • Present, but slightly like an outsider

    That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re at the beginning of a relationship—not the peak of it. Mothers often begin bonding during pregnancy and can immediately hold their baby and engage in skin-to-skin contact. Fathers usually begin bonding through experience.

    Showing Up Before It Feels Natural

    In the early days, bonding can feel one-sided. You’re holding a tiny human who cries, sleeps, and repeats the cycle. There’s no feedback, and no clear sign that you matter yet. That can make it feel mechanical—like you’re just completing tasks. But something is happening beneath the surface.

    Every time you:

    • Pick them up when they cry
    • Hold them a little longer than necessary
    • Talk to them, even when they don’t respond
    • Change their diaper
    • Give them a bath

    You’re laying the foundation for a close-knit relationship that can last an eternity. Almost anything you do with the baby is a bonding moment.

    The Power of Repetition

    Bonding isn’t built through big gestures. It’s built through small, repeated ones. A few minutes of presence each day matters more than a perfect day once a month. Children don’t measure effort the way adults do. They measure consistency, which creates familiarity. Familiarity creates trust. Trust becomes connection. It may take a while, but be persistent, and it will happen. Be patient and also take it easy on yourself.

    Finding Your “Thing”

    Every father-child bond develops its own rhythm. It’s rarely planned. It emerges spontaneously.

    Maybe it’s:

    • The way you make them laugh
    • A game only you play
    • Weekend walks, even if they’re short
    • A certain tone in your voice that calms them
    • The manner in which you hold them

    It doesn’t have to be meaningful to anyone else. It just has to be special between you and your child. I’m reminded of the movie “Liar Liar,” where Jim Carrey’s character is mainly an absent father, but the connection he has with his son when they’re together is immeasurable.

    Presence Over Perfection

    One of the biggest traps in modern fatherhood is thinking you need to “optimize” everything: More activities. More structure. More effort.

    But children don’t need a perfect father. They need an available one.

    That means:

    • Putting your phone down for a while
    • Sitting on the floor instead of watching from a distance
    • Letting them lead, even if it feels unproductive (i.e, allow them to play with a toy a certain way, with reason, of course. Keep them safe)

    Unfiltered attention is the clearest form of love a child understands.

    The Moments That Actually Matter

    Bonding isn’t just built in the good moments. It’s built in the difficult ones.

    • When they cry, and you respond
    • When they’re overwhelmed, and you stay calm
    • When you’re tired but still show up

    And even when you get it wrong—which you will—the repair matters. Coming back. Trying again. Staying, no matter how difficult things get. There will be times you will want to throw your hands up and walk away. But never give up on your child. This will show the child that they can rely on you. The difficult moments make the great ones even more special.

    As They Grow, So Should You

    The way you bond with your child will change.

    For instance:

    • A newborn needs touch and presence
    • A toddler needs play and patience
    • A child needs guidance and attention
    • A teenager needs space and understanding

    If you try to hold on to one version of yourself as a father, the connection can slowly fade. Growth isn’t a sign that something is breaking. It’s a sign that the relationship is evolving. I’m currently in the toddler phase. I’ll let you know how the others go once I get there. Toddlers definitely love to play, and it’s important that you let them and show immense patience.

    A Final Thought

    If you’re waiting to feel like a father before you act like one, you’ll always feel a step behind. Act first, show up, stay consistent, and be present. The feeling follows the action more often than the other way around.

    Bonding isn’t a single moment. It’s a pattern you build day after day, in ways that seem small, but aren’t. When you look back, you’ll realize that the little moments were actually the most important ones.

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  • Man to Father: The Quiet Transition

    It doesn’t happen at the same time for everyone. For some, it’s the moment they find out their spouse is pregnant. For others, it occurs during labor or when they first set eyes on their newborn. Still, for others, it may happen the first night they stay up trying to put their baby to sleep, during the first diaper change, or the moment their baby looks at them a certain way. At any random moment, the realization can hit you: You are no longer just a man, but a father. This can be both exciting and scary at the same time. A range of emotions can run through your mind, and that’s okay. As long as you’re ready to step up into your new role.

    Whether you’re ready or not, things will change quickly, from your mindset to your schedule, priorities, and interests, among other things. Before becoming a father, it was easier to sleep through the night, plan vacations, pursue hobbies, or go on date nights. Suddenly, routine things like going to the grocery store or even using the restroom will require a certain amount of planning because another life depends on you 100%. There was more freedom in how you could think before becoming a father, as those decisions did not carry as much weight. Likely, they only affected you, and perhaps your spouse/partner. However, having a small life to care for will make your decisions feel heavier. Should you spend that hundred bucks to go out to dinner, or should you put it aside for a rainy day? Is it okay to go hiking in the woods without your phone, or do you need to be reachable in case of an emergency? Should you spend the weekend working to make more money, or is it more important to stay at home with the kiddo? With each decision, you become more concerned about safety, stability, and whether what you’re doing is enough.

    Do things become worse after becoming a father? Absolutely not. However, things become much different. You don’t lose yourself. You expand and become a greater version of yourself. You may still have the same goals, ambitions, interests, and drive, but you obtain a different purpose: to build a legacy for yourself and your family. You’re not just building for yourself any longer, but also a smaller version of you, meaning the kiddo you brought into this world. When you work on your goals, your son or daughter is watching too. When you go to the gym or exercise, you’re also trying to stay healthy for your little one. Basically, you’re living for two people now. Or three, or four, or more, depending on how many kids you end up having.

    I’m going to make this a multi-post blog because there’s a lot of information to cover about the transition to fatherhood. But just know that the realization can come out of nowhere and hit you like a ton of bricks. Don’t worry, though. Your life is not over; it’s just beginning.

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New Dad Series