New Dad Series

One of the best things about being a dad is getting to experience things with your kiddo. Even if it’s something as simple as having a meal at a restaurant, or going for walk, just doing activities with your kid is a great feeling. Enjoy these moments whenever you can. If you don’t have time, make time. You definitely don’t want the years to pass and not have some great memories.

If you have some time after work, take your kiddo for ice cream, or another treat. Have a weekend available? Go to the park, the lake, or a short trip. Watch a movie in the evening. Make whatever time you can. It will take effort, but it will be worth it. Bottom line is, create whatever experiences and memories you can, no matter how small. You’ll realize later that all the little things were actually the big things.

Alright gentlemen, and ladies, if you’re reading. You have a baby, or one on the way. Another life is coming to this world and it will completely turn your world upside down. Your schedule will turn into strange blocks based on your child’s sleep/wake cycle. You are going to have sleepless nights, barely any time to eat a full meal without interruption, and become emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. There are going to face challenges you’ve never realized and won’t understand until you have a kiddo who depends on you, 100%. Parenthood is not a part time job, but a full time responsibility. When I say full time, I’m not talking about 40 hours/week, but a 24/7 commitment. It’s important that each partner supports and help one another constantly.

All this being said, do not ignore self care. As hard as it may seem, ignoring your own needs and health is never a good idea, especially since you need to be energized enough to take care of another human life. Therefore, take care of yourself because that’s the only way to provide good care for someone else, at least in the long term.

Here are a few tips to consider:

• Build some healthy eating habits. It’s very easy to just grab that sugary chocolate bar and go quickly through the drive-thru when life is busy and chaotic. However, it’s not impossible to simultaneously eat healthy and be on the go. Do some meal preparation ahead of time so you have something to grab quickly when time is constrained. Instead of candy bars or chips for snacks, have healthier snacks on hand, like carrot sticks or almonds. It takes a while to build these habits, but you don’t have to change overnight. Even if you alternate between healthy and not-so-healthy meals at first, that’s at least a positive step. Diet and nutrition can be very specific, so I would advise reading up on some healthy diet plans or even consulting with a nutrition expert if you want to make that commitment.
• Always make time for some exercise. Physical activity is important because moving our bodies is great for our heart, our lungs, our muscles, our bones, and even our minds. This doesn’t mean you have to become a gym rat or run a marathon. There are numerous types of physical activities, like riding a bike, hiking, playing basketball, or just going for a walk, etc. Whatever type of physical activity you enjoy, do that. Just get up and move! The good news here is that once your child reaches a certain age, you’ll have to run around to catch them. So, you’ll get plenty of physical activity right there.
• Do your best to get enough sleep. Now, this may contradict what I said earlier, but not getting proper sleep is not sustainable in the long run. While it’s going to be difficult, do the best you can. Sleep when the baby sleeps and create a schedule with your partner where you alternate night duty. Of course, it’s hard to create a set schedule with your baby, so be flexible when needed. Remember that sleep is a necessity, not an option.
• Take time to do the things you love to do. If you had enjoyable hobbies prior to becoming a parent, don’t ignore them after having children. There is still time to do the things you love, it just may be challenging to carve out a schedule. However, take whatever opportunity you can to do what you enjoy. Once your child is old enough, start including them in your hobbies. For example, we take our kiddo on regular walks, have brought him to various restaurants, and already traveled with him overseas.

There will be a wave of emotions you will go through when becoming a parent and it won’t be easy to manage. It’s important to always take care of your health and wellness in every way and help your partner do the same. Be there for each other for the sake of yourselves and your baby. I’ve heard parents say that they feel guilty about self care because they believe it is selfish. Well, all I can say is that if you don’t care for yourself, you will burn out and that will impact how you take care of anyone else. When I was in nursing school, one of the things they discussed was taking care of yourself because that helps avoid having a breakdown while caring for others. So, do not ignore self care.

You have probably heard the term “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual.” Our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and so on, did not have much prior knowledge when it came to taking care of their children. They basically learned as they went and hopefully tried not to make too many mistakes.

While this is still true to a certain extent, today, parents have many more resources available to them than their ancestors did. We can take numerous courses, such as newborn class, daddy bootcamps, and CPR, etc. There are also some exceptional books, videos, and blogs at our fingertips, along with support groups for new moms and dads, both in-person and online.

I would bet that some of your local hospitals have many resources and classes for free, or for very cheap. Definitely take advantage of all the information that’s out there and prep as much as you can. Never stop learning and growing, no matter how old your child gets. While children may not come with an instruction manual, there is a lot of great knowledge out there to take in.

I’ve written about this topic sparingly in other posts, but I just want to reiterate the importance of bonding with a baby and how crucial it is for dads too, and not just moms. Bond with your baby even before it it born. Get close to your partner’s stomach and speak to the baby. Be at your partners side and support them every chance you get. Be in the delivery room during labor. Once your baby is born, hold them to your chest, cuddle them, change diapers, help with bathing, nap with them, feed them, tell them you love them, and just do whatever you can to gain closeness with the baby. Always be a present daddy and avoid distractions.

Quality time with the baby is important and should start as soon as possible. Your baby will bond with you and develop a special relationship. If you are able to be a part of the special milestones, like turning, crawling, walking and talking, that is even better.

Let’s make something clear right off the bat: you are not a backup parent or a babysitter. You are the child’s father and as long as you are willing to step up, you deserve equal rights to be the parent. Neither the mom or dad should be the superior or 1st parent when it comes to the child. Both of you are equal. That being said, be a present father by being involved in all aspects of care, including diaper changes, feedings, waking up in the middle of the night, holding the child and making them feel comfortable, and going to the pediatrician appointments, just to name a few.

Yes, each parent will have their unique, individual strengths. However, that does not mean one parent should be held above the other. This is where communication with your partner is important. Decide which aspects of the care you will focus on based on your capabilities and then support your parent with her aspects of care. Do not be a backup parent because you are not that. Step up and be a father and a parent on the same level as your spouse. Fathers are important and we need to act this way.

I hope this post doesn’t sound judgmental because it is not meant to be. I just hope that none of you take a backseat when it comes to parenting because you will play a critical role in the child’s development and upbringing. Through your examples, you will show your sons how a man acts and your daughters how a man should treat them. Good luck dads and enjoy the blessings of fatherhood.

Im sure all of you dads want to spend time with your kids. However, remember that there is a different between just time and quality time. Spending time with your kids can simply mean being in their presence, but not actually engaging with or paying attention to them. Imagine being in a room with your child and just looking at your phone the whole time, or doing something else besides paying attention to them.

Don’t just spend time with your children, but make it quality time. Put away all other distractions as much as possible. Engage with your child, play with them, read to them, take them outside, and just let them know they have your full attention. Your kiddo will remember the quality time you gave them, and so will you.

Many of you fathers, and mothers, of course, are probably worried about balancing work with spending quality time with your child. With the economics of our current world, in several cases, both parents have to work and also put in a lot of overtime. The challenges of maintaining a family structure and raising children are becoming more drastic.

There’s no way around it, though. Most of us have to work to make a living and cannot spend 24/7 with our children. The best thing I can say is be present when you are with your kids. When I say present, be full there, physically, mentally and emotionally. Avoid talking on the phone, sending emails, or doing work related stuff, etc. When you’re at work, be focused on your job. When you’re with your child, be focused on them. I know there will be times when you need to break these rules, but just do the best you can.

Even when you’re exhausted from work, make an effort and spend some quality time with the kiddo. Even if it’s just a few minutes, the relationship will improve considerably, and you’ll have some wonderful memories. Balancing work and fatherhood is challenging but not impossible.

Ah, the perfect parent: The one who is always right, never makes a wrong decision, never loses their cool, and someone all other parents put on a pedestal. I’ve got some news for you; there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I try to be the best I can be, but even with all of the resources out there, I make my share of mistakes and will continue to do so. I am also learning, after all.

Always remember that you will not be perfect, and that’s ok. Be present, keep your child as safe as possible, be there for them, treat them like they’re human, support them, and enjoy watching them grow and learn. Your child will learn from you and you will learn from your child.

We recently came back from a trip to Hawaii. This was the second time we flew with our son, who is now 16 months old. It was roughly 7-8 hours total in the air between the two separate flights. I was not too worried about this trip since we just took him to Japan and the Philippines last year, which was at least two times longer. However, we quickly realized that more challenges come with traveling during the toddler stage vs the infant stage.

When we went overseas with our son last year, he was around 10 months old. Besides a few small challenges, it was pretty easy to fly with him. He was a great traveler. However, he also wasn’t walking and moving around a lot, so it was much easier to keep him in our laps. With toddlers, it’s a completely different story. At 16 months now, our kiddo walks, runs, and is very curious. As such, keeping him in our laps for that many hours is a chore like no other. While we would have loved to let him run around, it was not really possible. Most passengers would not want to have a kid run around nonstop and disrupt the flight, and I don’t blame them one bit, and it’s also a huge safety issue for the child and others. Plus, no one wants to hear a child crying and screaming on a flight for several hours. I certainly wouldn’t want to.

The best thing I can say is be prepared for your toddler to become bored easily and want to move around the cabin and get into everything. Therefore, come equipped with snacks, toys, videos (download ahead of time if you can), and whatever else you can bring to keep your little guy or gal entertained. I’m very thankful for my wife, who is always well prepared and the best mom ever. Also, my parents and brothers were with us too, which was also helpful.

All that being said, the flight and trip was an overall success. On the way back, our little guy slept for most of the flights since he was tuckered out. Prior to the second flight from Vegas to Denver, we had him run around and play in the airport to burn off some energy. It definitely worked well. For anyone having reservations about flying or traveling with their toddler, it’s certainly doable; just come prepared with as much entertainment as possible and have it all readily available to soothe your child at a moment’s notice. Until next time, enjoy being a father and all that comes with it.