New Dad Series

You have probably heard the term “Babies don’t come with an instruction manual.” Our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and so on, did not have much prior knowledge when it came to taking care of their children. They basically learned as they went and hopefully tried not to make too many mistakes.

While this is still true to a certain extent, today, parents have many more resources available to them than their ancestors did. We can take numerous courses, such as newborn class, daddy bootcamps, and CPR, etc. There are also some exceptional books, videos, and blogs at our fingertips, along with support groups for new moms and dads, both in-person and online.

I would bet that some of your local hospitals have many resources and classes for free, or for very cheap. Definitely take advantage of all the information that’s out there and prep as much as you can. Never stop learning and growing, no matter how old your child gets. While children may not come with an instruction manual, there is a lot of great knowledge out there to take in.

I’ve written about this topic sparingly in other posts, but I just want to reiterate the importance of bonding with a baby and how crucial it is for dads too, and not just moms. Bond with your baby even before it it born. Get close to your partner’s stomach and speak to the baby. Be at your partners side and support them every chance you get. Be in the delivery room during labor. Once your baby is born, hold them to your chest, cuddle them, change diapers, help with bathing, nap with them, feed them, tell them you love them, and just do whatever you can to gain closeness with the baby. Always be a present daddy and avoid distractions.

Quality time with the baby is important and should start as soon as possible. Your baby will bond with you and develop a special relationship. If you are able to be a part of the special milestones, like turning, crawling, walking and talking, that is even better.

Let’s make something clear right off the bat: you are not a backup parent or a babysitter. You are the child’s father and as long as you are willing to step up, you deserve equal rights to be the parent. Neither the mom or dad should be the superior or 1st parent when it comes to the child. Both of you are equal. That being said, be a present father by being involved in all aspects of care, including diaper changes, feedings, waking up in the middle of the night, holding the child and making them feel comfortable, and going to the pediatrician appointments, just to name a few.

Yes, each parent will have their unique, individual strengths. However, that does not mean one parent should be held above the other. This is where communication with your partner is important. Decide which aspects of the care you will focus on based on your capabilities and then support your parent with her aspects of care. Do not be a backup parent because you are not that. Step up and be a father and a parent on the same level as your spouse. Fathers are important and we need to act this way.

I hope this post doesn’t sound judgmental because it is not meant to be. I just hope that none of you take a backseat when it comes to parenting because you will play a critical role in the child’s development and upbringing. Through your examples, you will show your sons how a man acts and your daughters how a man should treat them. Good luck dads and enjoy the blessings of fatherhood.

Im sure all of you dads want to spend time with your kids. However, remember that there is a different between just time and quality time. Spending time with your kids can simply mean being in their presence, but not actually engaging with or paying attention to them. Imagine being in a room with your child and just looking at your phone the whole time, or doing something else besides paying attention to them.

Don’t just spend time with your children, but make it quality time. Put away all other distractions as much as possible. Engage with your child, play with them, read to them, take them outside, and just let them know they have your full attention. Your kiddo will remember the quality time you gave them, and so will you.

Many of you fathers, and mothers, of course, are probably worried about balancing work with spending quality time with your child. With the economics of our current world, in several cases, both parents have to work and also put in a lot of overtime. The challenges of maintaining a family structure and raising children are becoming more drastic.

There’s no way around it, though. Most of us have to work to make a living and cannot spend 24/7 with our children. The best thing I can say is be present when you are with your kids. When I say present, be full there, physically, mentally and emotionally. Avoid talking on the phone, sending emails, or doing work related stuff, etc. When you’re at work, be focused on your job. When you’re with your child, be focused on them. I know there will be times when you need to break these rules, but just do the best you can.

Even when you’re exhausted from work, make an effort and spend some quality time with the kiddo. Even if it’s just a few minutes, the relationship will improve considerably, and you’ll have some wonderful memories. Balancing work and fatherhood is challenging but not impossible.

Ah, the perfect parent: The one who is always right, never makes a wrong decision, never loses their cool, and someone all other parents put on a pedestal. I’ve got some news for you; there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I try to be the best I can be, but even with all of the resources out there, I make my share of mistakes and will continue to do so. I am also learning, after all.

Always remember that you will not be perfect, and that’s ok. Be present, keep your child as safe as possible, be there for them, treat them like they’re human, support them, and enjoy watching them grow and learn. Your child will learn from you and you will learn from your child.

We recently came back from a trip to Hawaii. This was the second time we flew with our son, who is now 16 months old. It was roughly 7-8 hours total in the air between the two separate flights. I was not too worried about this trip since we just took him to Japan and the Philippines last year, which was at least two times longer. However, we quickly realized that more challenges come with traveling during the toddler stage vs the infant stage.

When we went overseas with our son last year, he was around 10 months old. Besides a few small challenges, it was pretty easy to fly with him. He was a great traveler. However, he also wasn’t walking and moving around a lot, so it was much easier to keep him in our laps. With toddlers, it’s a completely different story. At 16 months now, our kiddo walks, runs, and is very curious. As such, keeping him in our laps for that many hours is a chore like no other. While we would have loved to let him run around, it was not really possible. Most passengers would not want to have a kid run around nonstop and disrupt the flight, and I don’t blame them one bit, and it’s also a huge safety issue for the child and others. Plus, no one wants to hear a child crying and screaming on a flight for several hours. I certainly wouldn’t want to.

The best thing I can say is be prepared for your toddler to become bored easily and want to move around the cabin and get into everything. Therefore, come equipped with snacks, toys, videos (download ahead of time if you can), and whatever else you can bring to keep your little guy or gal entertained. I’m very thankful for my wife, who is always well prepared and the best mom ever. Also, my parents and brothers were with us too, which was also helpful.

All that being said, the flight and trip was an overall success. On the way back, our little guy slept for most of the flights since he was tuckered out. Prior to the second flight from Vegas to Denver, we had him run around and play in the airport to burn off some energy. It definitely worked well. For anyone having reservations about flying or traveling with their toddler, it’s certainly doable; just come prepared with as much entertainment as possible and have it all readily available to soothe your child at a moment’s notice. Until next time, enjoy being a father and all that comes with it.

Sleep is great, isn’t it? One of the best feelings in the world is when you get to put your head down on a comfy pillow and soundly fall into a deep slumber. Whether it’s at the end of a long day or a mid-day catnap, some decent rest does a body good. Sleep is a necessity and part of a healthy lifestyle. Even with a busy work schedule, we can generally find time to sleep. However, parenthood will bring new challenges to this area of life.

I’m sure you’ve heard seasoned parents constantly say that you’ll never sleep again after having kids. While this may be hyperbolic, it’s not totally off the mark. Yes, your sleep cycle is going to be thrown off completely and this will be especially hard at the beginning, when your infant is waking up every 2 hours or so. They don’t always go right back to sleep either. It can take hours sometimes to get the kiddo to fall back asleep again. The hardest part for me was not so much the limited hours of sleep, but the routine of constantly falling asleep and waking up. My wife and I were both walking zombies for the first several weeks. Thankfully we both had each other.

Yes, the act of sleeping, as you become a parent, will be altered forever. Unless you don’t plan on being a present father and just let the mother raise the child (Which I sincerely hope you don’t) you will be lacking some serious shut-eye. However, we all need to doze at some point; otherwise, sleep deprivation will get to you and it can create boundless other problems with your health, career, relationships, and personal responsibilities, etc. Therefore, it’s essential to find time to sleep, no matter what.

Being parents now for just over a year, there are a few things that helped us:

• Alternate sleep and night duties: Since my wife and I both work, we would alternate who does night duty. Generally, the person who was off the next day would handle it for the night. If we were both scheduled to work, then we would tagteam or trade off. Even if your partner doesn’t “work,” still alternate night duty when you can because taking care of a baby all day and night is a full-time job and more. It’s very exhausting work, to say the least.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps: Your baby, especially as a newborn, will he napping a lot. If possible, sleep when they sleep. I understand that these moments are often needed to get other tasks done around the house, but whenever you get a chance to nap simultaneously with your baby, take it.
• Take help from family and friends: If you have trusted family and/or friends that can help with childcare occasionally, take advantage of it. Have them watch your child while you and your partner catch up on rest and/or self-care. We are very lucky in this regard since we’ve always had a lot of help from our parents.
• Be supportive partners and help each other: The bottom line is that the more you help each other, the better off you will be. For instance, if you see your partner getting exhausted and you’re able to take over babycare for a while, then do so.

Find ways that work best for you and feel free to comment here to let me know what they are. I’m always open to hear new ideas, especially when it comes to getting better sleep. While sleeping will be difficult, it is still essential, so take every opportunity you can get to rest your body and mind. Sleep tight everyone!

P.S. You will now have a new alarm clock who will wake you up whether you’re ready, or not. And it won’t be so easy to press the snooze button. However, when you see that little face staring back at you, it will bring a lot of joy.

For those of you who don’t have kids yet, you may have heard many parents in the past talk about how being a parent is the most wonderful experience and you don’t realize it until you have your own. I can say that this is definitely, at least for me. I never understood why people got so excited every time their kid did something meniscule, and were always camera ready, until I watched my own son do it. Every time he did something new, even turning his head a certain way for the first time, it was a great moment.

There’s just something about watching your mini-me grow and become a person of their own. I’m here to tell all moms and dads to enjoy parenthood, even when others don’t understand. Are other people going to be obsessed with your kids like you? Probably not, and they don’t have to be. They’re your kids; your excitement does not need justification or reinforcement. Just like other parents’ excitement doesn’t need yours.