As someone who consistently works 50-60 hours per week, in addition to having numerous other projects and interests, I certainly understand not having much free time. I also understand the feeling of being exhausted and just wanting to lie down. When you become a father, it’s not as easy, because a small child depends on you and wants some of your attention too, which they deserve. You can be a present father, even when you’re exhausted. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

There will be times when tiredness will take over, and you will have no choice but to sleep and get some rest. Don’t feel guilty about feeling this way and doing some self-care once in a while. Many dads feel guilty because they think they always have to be moving. Being present does not mean having unlimited time. It means treating the precious time you do have like gold. Carve out moments in the day to only spend time with your child and set boundaries with everything and everyone else. Even if you can’t give your child hours of attention, give them your full attention when it’s time to do so. A few minutes of memorable play is far better than hours of ignoring the child right next to you.

15 to 20-minute blocks can be highly valuable. Use these moments to shut out the rest of the world. Don’t think about work and definitely put your phone away. Sometimes being a good dad simply means you are tired, but you show up anyway. When I get home from work, I often only have short periods of time with my son, so I will use them wisely. We will play with his cars, go for a drive, walk around the block, get some ice cream, go swimming, or just watch some TV. Even if these occasions are short-lived, they are memorable for me. He may not recall them yet, but I feel like he’s getting to the age where he soon will.

There really is no negotiation here. If you want to be a present father, you must be deliberate about it. Regardless of how insignificant the activity is, it will mean a lot to your son or daughter to have you there with them. Your child does not need every last ounce of your energy. They simply need to feel that you are sharing some of your precious energy with them. My son is napping as I write this post, but I plan to take him for a nice drive later.