So, while my wife and I were overseas, our infant son developed major separation anxiety. He’s 10 months at this point, so right at the state where this is common. It seemed to start as soon as we got onto our first flight. Perhaps traveling away from home triggered it a little. The strange thing was our son would cry often when he was in my lap and try to reach for mama. He always felt comfortable and relaxed around me, so I was quite perplexed. I kept beating my head wondering what I was doing wrong all of a sudden. Was I holding him awkwardly? Was I giving off negative vibes? I couldn’t figure it out.

This separation anxiety continued while we toured both Japan and Philippines as he would cry incessantly whenever mama gave him over to someone else. He couldn’t bear to be with another person, and even I had a hard time calming him down on numerous occasions. Once again, this was never really an issue before as our baby loved and felt comfortable around both of us. For whatever reason, he wasn’t satisfied with me and only wanted mom. I will admit that this was hard for me to take at times, and I just wanted to care for our son. However, with the help of my wife, I slowly realized that it wasn’t personal, and our son was just going through a phase. It did not mean he was afraid or hated me, nor did it reflect on me as a father. This became more apparent when we returned home last week, and he was comfortable and playful around me again. Seems like the travel overseas and new environment stimulated his anxiety.

It will vary with each child when and if separation anxiety will occur, but it generally peaks between 10 to 18 months for most kids. Our son was just turning 10 months old when we started our traveling journey, so impeccable timing for us, to say the least. It was quite challenging at times, and I certainly felt bad for my wife as it was hard for her to relax and get a breather. In addition, I felt sadness knowing I couldn’t comfort my son like I usually do. Whatever the case, my wife, his mother, was there to comfort him in his time of need, and that’s the most important thing.

For all of the fathers out there, there is a good chance your child will go through separation anxiety and have a preferred parent. Often times, the preferred parent is the mom, and the presence of dad alone will not be enough to satisfy the child. This can be emotionally hard to take, especially if you are a hands-on dad. However, I implore you to not take this personally. Just keep being the best dad you possibly can and continue to support your wife/partner and child. Sooner or later, they will come around and show you love again. Then, there will be all the other stages of development that they will go through for years to come, which I have yet to experience. Let’s enjoy this journey together.